Below are some (sometimes) amusing definitions:

Clicklexia: A disorder often suffered by novice computer users in which they have a tendency to double-click on items which only require one click, often resulting in two items opening instead of just one.

Computer: An electronic time-saving device that is commonly used for time-wasting activities like solitaire

​Computer expert: Someone who has not read the instructions, but who will nevertheless feel qualified to install a program and, when it does not function correctly, pronounce it incompatible with the operating system.

Egosurfing: Typing your own name into Google to see who's talking about you.

Hardware: The parts of a computer which can be kicked.

Instruction manual: An explanation of how to use something written in a way that is easily understood only by the author.

Mouse (or touchpad): An input device designed to make computer errors easier to generate.

Password: Series of letters and numbers written on a post-it note and stuck on a monitor (do NOT take this seriously!)